29

We are entering the last year of my twenties. There is a noticeable shift. I keep repeating: I am not on this treadmill.

The world is louder than ever. Projecting, assuming, dictating.

Prospective lovers saying in non vague terms phrases like ‘ticking clocks’. Extended family sharing more and more stories of spinsters who died of depression.

It’s an odd experience.

And to all of them I say: I am not on that treadmill. Whatever running on the spot others feel compelled to do, that compulsion does not touch me. I say this but sometimes I waiver. Start to believe, maybe I am expiring.

So a reminder to self. A manifesto to the meddlers.

Marriage is not a goal I have. Life long companionship would be nice, but it is not an altar I worship.

I do not want children. I really, really do not want children.

My immediate to mid term goals are getting a visa, buying my first home, having £50k saved, and maintaining a healthy mind and body.

My life’s clock is different. I have been on extra time since 18. Keep your fears, assumptions, projections inside yourself. Let it feed the panic that drives you to choose conformity over peace.

Stay on your treadmill. I’ll be still.