I am alive. For a person who expected to die at 18, being 28 is a quantifiable miracle—a whole decade in extra time.
I will continue to be alive. I actually want to keep living. If you luckily do not have suicidal ideations, you may not understand how radical wanting to live is. It is new and exciting territory for me.
I can make amends. This newsletter exists because I am currently a fuck up. But I am a fuck up with the power to fix things. Look how I am showing up every week. And with persistence, becoming slightly less of a fuck up daily.
Effort is magic.
Family and friends. Who love me. Show up for me. For whom I want to be better. Who I will make proud.
Books and art. Plus, not everyone has taste. I do.
Beauty. I am objectively beautiful. Stylish, sexy, the kind of mysterious woman people make bad decisions for. It’s fun seeing suitors grovel.
Here’s a random photo of a bedside lamp I rescued, for four pounds, from a yard sale. it’s pink and maximalist and makes my life complete.
With these few points of mine, I know you are convinced, maybe also mildly confused, that this little life of mine, is perfect.
Update 1: I am taking a Stanford math course. It’s called Introduction to Mathematical Thinking. It is to establish a foundation upon which I can stack up - relearning the basic number theory and algebra I already know and extending my math knowledge further. I expect my foray into maths to take the entire year. This first course is for 8 weeks. Along with my habit tracking updates, I’ll also include stuff about this course. Here’s a screenshot of how mathematics has extended past simple computation into a ‘science of patterns.’
Update 2: Habits tracking. Two things for next week - a. enforce the 4 am wake-up time and 8 pm bedtime. b. Complete every habit for every day.
Love you baby.