My ideal person is masculine. Not necessarily a man. I’m bisexual.
They are older, safe, and earn significantly more than me. They are more dominant than I am and enjoy the role of caregiver. My person is generous, thoughtful and kind. They are protective, mildly possessive. This person provides.
They do not see women as subhuman, are intellectually curious, and are not value-prescriptive.
My person is good with kids.
They open the door, hold my hand, buy flowers, gifts, just because. Upkeep money, this is my jam. And monogamy.
In love, I am most at peace with the analytical part of me in the background. Coming out when important problems arise and I see the solution clearer than my partner, fixing swiftly and retreating. I become childlike - trusting, needy, exceedingly kind, helpful, needing guidance.
The antithesis of my outside self. Which is why it has taken so long to articulate my love truth to self and others. That, plus, I suspect the origin of some of these needs are less than ideal. Yet it is my reality.
One I must get very comfortable with if I am to find coupled bliss. This is what I need. What I’d like. What I’ll get.
There’s twelve of you reading this. What do you need in a partner but are afraid/uncomfortable needing? Please talk to me. This was hard to admit.
In terms of habit-building, I continue to try. Stumbling often, getting back up. Na who give up, fuck up.
